Kindness…

We just finished up a federal election here in Canada. I am relieved it is over and grateful for the laws surrounding the maximum length of an election here. I am emotionally exhausted from the tumult that was the Liberal Party’s leadership race, US tariffs and sovereignty threats, and the election. I feel like I can take a nice deep breath after having an elephant sitting on my chest for the first four months of this year.

I am not apolitical, but I live somewhere where my political leanings run counter to many. The many can be obnoxiously loud and cruelly belligerent so I keep my opinions to myself for the most part. That is unless I need to counter falsehoods, misinformation, or discriminatory comments. So highly politicized topics can feel incendiary to me and I usually default to shutting up and sitting down as a defence mechanism. I know lots of folks would say that I am cowardly or close minded because I am shying away from bipartisan debate and discussion. However, my experience has taught me that most of these people are not looking for debate or discussion. They are gleefully eager to tear into a “lib” and feel gratified in their nastiness because it proves I’m just a snowflake.

Now, to be 100 per cent far, that isn’t the only experience I’ve had. There are truly curious and kind people of all political persuasions. However, overwhelmingly, my experience has been of judgment and fevered cruelty. I liken it to the idea of people who had a sibling who was a sore winner/loser when they were kids and made playing any kind of game insufferable. Those people as adults do not enjoy playing games as they do not have very many positive associations with them. They may have had friends, cousins, and parents who played with them. Maybe these people didn’t make the entire experience psychologically torturous but they still don’t want to play any sort of game. Well that’s me, but with political debate. I can’t even bring myself to watch political debates between candidates. I feel such a visceral discomfort whenever two differing political ideological ideas crash in discourse.

I do think some of this comes down to some neuro-spicy brainwaves as well. I feel injustice as a physical thing. I find I need to disassociate with this feeling just to survive in this imperfect world. Not everything can be fair, even though it should be. I cannot stave off the violence against innocent people halfway around the globe with my keyboard or my well wishes. So, I find I need breaks from the news, social media, nonfiction, and people in general. I take those breaks may ways. My favourite way is couch snuggles while watching British television. I also find solace in video games (stardew valley, anyone?), fiction books (audio, e book, and hard copy), time in my garden, yarn crafts (knitting mostly, but I am learning to crochet), and spiritual practices (pulling cards and runes, meditation, and devotionals).

These small acts of kindness to myself, remind me of what is most likely behind my fears regarding debates. The lack of kindness shown by people during these types of discourses. Finding room to be kind to ourselves seems almost impossible at times. We need to be productive, not rest. We need to be helpful, not selfish etc. The fact that many are not able to make room for showing kindness to others, especially those who are not like them, isn’t at all surprising. In a culture that does not value kindness to oneself, how are we able to practice the skill of kindness. If we can’t show compassion to this one human being, how can we be expected to share that same compassion with anyone else.

I do my best to not only show myself kindness but to share that same kindness with those I interact with. I am by no means perfect. I lose my cool on my kids and rant about an ignorant neighbour or client. I am no saint and am not proselytizing that we all turn the other cheek all the time. What I am arguing for is that we all enter into every interaction with another person with the intention of being kind. I believe that kindness should be the default setting for humans. That doesn’t mean that if someone is being a jackass to you that you stand there and take their abuse. It does mean that disengaging from said jackass can be done with out a shouting match (either real in person or online). Expressing your discomfort/disappointment with someone’s behaviour or language doesn’t mean demeaning them or yourself by stooping to their level.

Every interaction is an opportunity to practice the skill of being kind. More kindness in the world is not going to be the end of civilization. It might just be the cure for so much of the poison in this modern world; our loneliness and individualism need to be treated before they tear our world apart. Maybe kindness can be the tonic to ease our collective troubled psyche. Maybe there are those who have only forgotten what kindness is and reminding them of true human connection through compassion will allow them to make changes within and around themselves that will be a benefit to all.

Or maybe just remember to be kind to yourself. Do things that make you happy. Spend time with people who make you feel loved and appreciated. Building up our inner kindness skill will eventually, I think, lead us all to be far kinder to others.

As always, in kindness.

Becks